I Thought I Was a Heavy Sleeper — Turns Out I Was Just Sleeping Badly

For years, my friends lied to me about what time it was. On purpose. It was the only way to get me anywhere.

I was the one who slept too much and could never wake up — the one everybody waited on, the reason a group ran late. During my dance career that stopped being a personality quirk and became a logistics problem. We had early flights to catch and call times to make, a whole company meeting at one spot at one hour, and if they told me the real time I simply would not be there. So they stopped telling me the real time. They would say we were leaving at six when we were leaving at eight, tell me to be downstairs an hour or two before we actually needed to move, and that padding was the only thing that got me to the airport with everyone else. An entire troupe of dancers made their flights by lying to me about the clock. I laugh about it now. For most of my life it was just true: I slept long, I slept badly, and I could not get myself up to save my life.

Here is the part I had completely backwards. I called myself a heavy sleeper and wore it almost like a fact about my body — ten, eleven, twelve hours when I could get them, and still waking up tired, dragging, treating the morning like something to be survived. I assumed the exhaustion meant my body needed all those hours. "I must have really needed that," I would think, after sleeping half a day and still feeling hollow. It took me an embarrassingly long time to consider the obvious: that I was not getting too little sleep. I was getting too little rest. Long sleep, shallow sleep. Hours in bed standing in for quality I was never actually reaching. The deep, restorative part of the night — the part that does the real work — I was barely touching.

What changed it was not discipline or a new alarm clock. It was paying attention to my sleep the way a dancer pays attention to a body: as an instrument that has to perform, not a thing you just own. I started reading the actual science on recovery and sleep architecture, and somewhere in that I added RESTORED, the bioactive-peptide sleep formula I now take a little earlier in the evening than I think I need to. And the unexpected thing — the thing I tell people about now — is that as the nights got deeper, I started needing fewer of them.

That still sounds backwards when I say it out loud. Better sleep, less sleep. But once I felt it, it made complete sense. I go to bed around ten now and I am up at five or six on my own, no alarm fighting me, rested and clear and in a genuinely good mood before I even made breakfast. Fewer hours, and more recovered by them. I was never short on sleep. I was short on the deep kind — and the difference between those two things is the whole story.

I think about the version of me my friends had to lie to, and I do not feel embarrassed for him anymore. He was not lazy. He was running on a tank that looked full and never was. If any of this sounds like your mornings — long nights, slow wakes, that survived-it feeling at the start of every day — the thing worth questioning is not how much you sleep. It is how deep. That is the number that actually changed things for me.

Related Reading

• MAKE Wellness Review: Nine Months In, Here's What Actually Changed — the honest, full account of my months on the peptides, RESTORED included.
• Your Body Is Having 7,000 Peptide Conversations Right Now — the plain-language science of what these compounds actually are.
• The Quiet Logic of Buying From Yourself — how this became one of the small streams I write about.